Alone whilst surrounded by people
I don’t know why but like I just feel like so alone. I have my best friend and I have my sister/twinnie but it’s not the same I feel like they don’t understand and to be honest they don’t and never will.. Like for example today I have been feeling like shit and I feel like I have no one to turn to because people tell me the same shit; it’s all in my head right?! Like it’s always the same-oh you should love yourself, don’t worry things are going to get better; NO! They’re not and do you know why I know this? Because I’ve been waiting for things to get ‘better’ for 3 years now and it’s getting to me again. I want to forget all memories ‘I just wanna spotless mind’ - Tynisha Keli. I hate it when people like criticise me for caring so much about ‘love’ and having a relationship but at the end of the day no one understands how it feels to feel unwanted by everyone. No one I know anyway. They always say I’m young I need to grow still but come on I’m an 18 year old hormonal freak does anyone expect me to think about anything apart from having a boyfriend and fucking like crazy rabbits 24/7. That’s why I read books from authors like Eric Jerome Dickey; the books give my mind an escape from the sad reality I live in. Something to picture myself looking forward to as my life doesn’t seem to be speeding in my ideal direction. It just sucks that I can’t talk to anyone about him. Because I’ll be judged for still being caught in that box; trapped in him after all these years. I truly am done with the denial. I feel obsessed. Like I live for him. I dream him. I think about him way more than I should and the funny part is he probably fails to remember I exist. This post makes no sense I’m just writing as I think; my minds all over the place. I need to forget, move on, accept myself for who I am, and invest in a diary because there are some things a girl can’t share with anyone…
